Great People

Howdy! It has been a long time since I have written. Meh. Such is life. This whole blog started as a class project at BYU but as I have continued it has become therapeutic.

Tonight, there is a great deal on my mind. I initially sat down and started typing away about the difficulties of having two kiddos (therapy, remember?). It got to the point where I thought, well, I will just delete it after I write it rather than post it. Writing has always helped me manage and express my emotions. It has been a tough day. Strike that. It has been a tough WEEK. I could make a list a mile long of all the reasons why, but I shall spare you. So, you may be wondering why I am writing when I just said that I was going to delete my post. Well. . . things changed. I will set the scene.

 God Knows Even When We Don't

About a week ago I decided it was time to move Atticus out of the crib and into the toddler bed. He had figured out how to climb out of it and I cannot live with that kind of stress and worry about him getting hurt. Plus, Charity was getting a little big for the toddler bed and I would hear her roll over during the night and bonk her head and/or arms on  the side rails. So while the kids were with their dad last week I made the switch. They were both so excited for their new beds, as was I. Until bedtime. I didn't take into account that their internal clocks still haven't adjusted to the time change (blast daylight savings time!). So all of these changes, as well as other things, have made this last week very difficult in regards to naps and bedtime. (I know, I know. I said I wasn't going to list why this was a rough week. My bad!) Today was the THIRD day in a row that my kids have refused naptime. And I had just about had enough of it. When they don't have a nap they are extremely cranky and emotional (who can blame them? Sleep is a wonderful thing!) I was an emotional mess and physically exhausted by 4 in the afternoon. I remembered that tonight was the General Women's Session and decided last minute that I should go watch the broadcast rather than watching it at home.My brother agreed to watch the kids. So I went. My reason for going was more to get a break from the kids than anything else.And then the session started. Bam! It was meant for me. Every. Single. Message. 

My Father was speaking directly to me, through his messengers. 

I was filled with an overwhelming feeling of peace and comfort. My Father in Heaven was aware of me. He knew the struggles I was facing. My Father was speaking directly to me, through his messengers, because I wasn't listening when He spoke to me personally. Prayer has always been a difficult principle for me to grasp. I have rarely been consistent with having meaningful, personal prayer. But the words that my God said to me tonight, were answers to my unspoken prayers. Even though I had never verbalized my desires to my Father, or to anyone, He knew my hearts pleading. Why have I waited so long to honestly converse with my Father? I'm still working on understanding that. But I have received a new determination to make heartfelt prayer a part of my daily life. I can't do this life thing, or even more, this parenting thing, on my own. I need God's direction. And I need to ASK FOR IT! 

"You're holding a great person"

A lot of what I heard and learned tonight had personal implications that I will keep to myself. But I will share a moment that affected me as a mom. As I stated before, today was a hard day. I was feeling entirely overwhelmed by the prospect of raising these TWO kids on my own. Two. Two is so much harder than one. A realization I had while venting in my earlier post was that my kids are individuals. Crazy, right?! I mean, that is obvious. But it is hard as a parent, at least for this parent, to remember that each kid is different. Charity loved to hold my hand and snuggle to sleep. (Still does!) Atticus, he is the complete opposite. He even hates being tucked in. I have realized that something that worked for one child may not work for the other. Or even something that worked one day won't work the next. Because each child is different each day. I certainly am not the same person I was yesterday. I don't fall asleep at the same exact time every night. I can be extremely happy one day and then super moody the next. Because I am an individual. And so are my children. It is so easy to expect so much of our children, even things that we don't expect of ourselves. But in reality, they are so new to this whole new life thing. As much as I am learning and growing and experiencing the world, I've been here 25+ years! 

During the session tonight, President Eyring told a story about his parenting days. He told about a son of his who was about 7 that was making a ruckus jumping on his bed. President Eyring went to him, picked him up and held him at eye level. Then the spirit spoke to him, "You're holding a great person." And he gently put him down. Wow! This added so much to my earlier realization. My children ARE great people. And I need to do all I can to let them know that each and every day. I need to be their greatest cheerleader and strongest example. In those moments of exhaustion and frustration (hey, even President Eyring had them!) I need to remember who they are and who I am. Children of God. We are all children of God. We all deserve to be treated with love, understanding, respect, and patience. This is true not only for our children, or others we meet. Not just meant for strangers or friends. But we, as mothers, as daughters, as sisters, as women. You! Me! We! We need to treat ourselves with as much love, understanding, respect, and patience as we do our children and others in our lives. Because this whole life thing is still pretty new to each of us as well.