One Parent, Twice the Love: More than "Just A Mom"

The Journey of Self-Discovery

It happens frequently. You meet someone new and they ask the dreaded question “What do you do?” The answer, “I’m just a mom” is the phrase that almost always escapes my mouth. While it is true that I am a mom, why do I use that little modifying “just” word? What does it even mean to be “just” something? I have been figuring out lately that although my most important role and part of me is being a mom, there is much more to me than that.

Two in One

It is hard to separate your mom self from your other self. Before you became a mom, what were you? Me, I was an athlete. I was a student. I was a book-lover, camping-seeker, and chocolate-craver. I was a baker and a foodie. I was me. But after having kids, these attributes and characteristics were quickly pushed aside and being a mom took center stage. Don’t get me wrong, I love love love being a mom. I can’t imagine life without my sweet littles. But I have realized that my other self has become lost. I’m not completely sure what I am anymore. I just am. Or am I more?

I want to find myself again. I want to remember what I like, love, desire, and even dislike. As I have started this journey of self discovery, 4 major ideas have helped inspire and direct me.

Get Sentimental. Reminisce about the “old days”. Remember what it was like before the kids (don’t fret; it doesn’t make you a bad mom to think about your life before). I remember TV shows without animated talking animals or obnoxiously catchy tunes that fill my TV screen now. I remember songs and books and movies. Where did you spend your free time? What did you do on your day off? Of course, things have changed. You have grown up and matured. So some things may not be as interesting now. But remembering is key to finding yourself.

Just do it. Don’t make excuses.

Do It! Get up and get out there. Go do something that you used to love. Find a babysitter (young women in the ward always want to babysit) and take yourself out. Go see a movie with a friend or even by yourself. Love pedicures can’t remember the last time you had one? Do it! Would you spend countless hours at a bookstore or window shopping? Do it! For me, it was playing basketball again. 4 months after my daughter was born I started playing basketball with the women in my Stake on Saturday mornings. This was such an amazing thing for me. I felt more myself than I had before. Sadly, since my son has been born almost 6 months ago, I haven’t found the time. But I am publicly making a goal to get out and play before the month is over! Just do it. Don’t make excuses. The kids will survive a few hours without you and the dirty dishes will still be there when you return (yay?).

High School Soccer

Look Inward. I have found myself in a spiritually stagnant place recently. I’m just kind of floating. I have a firm testimony, no problem there. But I’m not feeling spiritually uplifted. Why? Well, I am not doing the things that will bring enlightenment. Yes, I attend church. My previous post discussed the difficulties encountered with attending church with two littles in tow. Basically, it is not as easy to feel spiritually nourished at church right now. I also can’t remember the last time I studied the scriptures for consecutive days. It’s the little things that bring big results. I finally made it to the temple a few weeks ago, the first time since last August. It was just what I needed. I am telling myself as I share with you to take the extra time to keep yourself spiritually nourished. This has helped me feel much more myself than I have before.

Don’t Be Afraid of Newness. You are a different person than you were before kids. Your life has also changed drastically through becoming a single mom. It is easy to say “if only” or “I wish”. But this isn’t possible or even necessary. Start today and work on becoming your best self NOW. Yes, take pieces of your old other self and add them to your new and now other self. Make yourself more than “just a mom”. Pick up new hobbies. Find new TV shows. Make new friends. Don’t forget what you have learned, but don’t settle.